Christmas Explained

One of my earliest memories is the only time it snowed in my hometown (I had always wanted a white Christmas). My dad had made a little snowman on the trunk of his impala and drove us to school with it there. That is the only Christmas I can remember celebrating with my dad.

I can still remember the day the ambulance came to pick him up and take him to the hospital. I was too young to understand what was happening. I was sitting with my uncle while the paramedics put him on the stretcher. Hours later my mom came back and had to explain death to my sister and I.

In the following couple of years I lost my grandparents and my great aunt on my father's side. I had never known my grandparents on my mother's side because they died when I was 2 and 3. Since I lost my father we never really celebrated Christmas. When we did, we didn't really have family to invite over.

My mom was usually busy working so she could raise 2 children on her own. (Which I will be forever grateful for) Christmas trees and celebrating holidays weren't really a high priority.

We made do for a while. My mom eventually remarried to some prick who had 2 kids of his own. The son was a year older than me and the daughter the same age as my sister. We had some half-assed holidays with him and his family, but he wasn't my father and they weren't my family, it wasn't the same. The only ones that cared for my sister and I were his own parents (my step-grandparents who died within a few years of knowing them.) Years later my mom divorced him after finally realizing who he really was.

Last year I was living with my sister in Sacramento and my mom had come to visit for Christmas. Christmas eve we had dinner with some family friends in the area then I went to my neighbor's party. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital with my sister and mom at my side. (Another ruined Christmas) Later it was explained to me that there were some guys in the parking lot beating on their girlfriends. Some of us had gone over to stop the situation and see what was going on. In the the process we were threatened with a gun and I got sucker punched while walking away. I was knocked out with a concussion and ended up in the ER.

As you can see I don't really have many fond memories of Christmas or any holidays. It is something I have grown accustomed to. I don't like it, but I realize I can't change my past, the only thing to do is to move forward. If I ever marry and have children I will make sure to make every day count for them. I will give them what I didn't have and maybe I won't be bummed for the holidays anymore.

"Now that the rain has cleared, my forecast for the night is cloudy." -Unknown